Why I have to engage the frontal lobe of my brain and challenge these negative thoughts

Blog 31st July Good bye July officially the rainiest month ever. Every morning I woke up it was raining. It’s been an interesting week. On Monday I went to Slimming World feeling good. I actually felt slimmer lighter and was sure I had lost a few pounds. Imagine my horror and disbelief as I bounded on to the scales with gay abandon only for them to .....................stay exactly the bloody same. “What” I said to the poor woman recording the weights “How can this be?” instantly suspicious. Her pitying face said it all; they clustered around me, “It happens sometimes” “I feel as though I’ve lost weight “I whelped “Look my clothes are looser” I said in despair, pulling on them like someone demented. “You’ve probably lost inches then” one of them tried helpfully. It was no good; negativity had descended like a mist. I stomped to my seat scowling and laughing at the same time. “I’ve maintained “ I said whispering my plight to another member burning with shame and feeling genuinely pissed off. Glass half empty. “Well it could have been worse you could have gained” he retorted back. “And you stayed for group.” I shot him a sideways evil stare, as he clutched his Slimmer of the week silver sticker. Then it was time for name and shame “Julie stayed the same this week, but all in all a weight loss of 11lbs” thunderous applause from the group. “What’s your aim for next week?” I knew I was being petulant and very childish when I said the immortal words “7 stone” but somehow I couldn’t help myself. I did get a laugh, but inside it wasn’t funny. I take these setback things far too much to heart, instead of accepting it and looking at ways to change it I stew on it and become defiant and angry. What’s the point? Its crap, it doesn’t work. (Clearly it does) Comparison with others then creeps in. What will they think of me? (Who Cares?) Negative thinking, stinking thinking, my disease slinking back in at the first hurdle. Self pity, I’m a failure, I’m useless, and it’s too hard. Ludicrous nonsense, thinking based on bashing low self-esteem and thinking that will make you eat again. Myths not facts. I have tried to impose positivity, shared it, seen the funny side of it and not gone off on a binge. I have to accept it and plod on. I trust that sometimes quickly sometimes slowly eventually I will develop a pattern of eating that is not self destructive and does not damage me. Julie